A Toonce Dream

I had a dream the other night that Toonce was on the other side of a redwood fence and meowed. I could tell it was him by his nose color. His sister hasn’t been doing well and maybe Toonce came to check up on her. Pip and Toonce lived together until Toonce was naughty and bit a neighbor’s child. 

Pip has been getting cranky in her old age. In fact, I dropped by to visit Tashi and M. and she attacked me for no reason. All I did was try to scratch her head and pet her, she didn’t like it at all. Hopefully, Toonce told her not to come over to the other side yet. I’m sure that Toonce came by tovisit. He was just that kind of cat. This too will pass

What Now!

Now I’ve heard it all, The Orange Buffoon asked his team of lawyers if he could grant himself a presidential pardon. Only a constitutional lawyer knows if he can or can’t but this just more of the constant madness from Trump. What do you want to bet, he attempts to grant his whole troop a presidential pardon. Even some of the more rational Republicans are starting to see the king has no clothes on and jumping off the sinking ship.

Besides The Orange Stalin’s views on climate change and immigration, he’s an illiterate man. He actually thought Fredrick Douglass was still living. Wasn’t it he who praised Mr. Douglass’s work on civil rights? He also thought Andrew Jackson was alive during the American Civil War. My goodness, what a moron. Yet, there are those in Florida and Arizona who would vote for this nut job again.

Donald Trump is an embarrassment. Can you imagine if President Obama had gone up to the wife of France’s President and said, “You look like you take care of yourself!” That reminds me of Cleavon Little’s greatest line in Mel Brook’s Blazing Saddles, “Where da white women at?” Maybe they will make a movie about this joke of a leader. Too bad Leslie Neilson is no longer with us, he would have played a good Trump. This too will pass

O.J Simpson A Model Citizen..? Please

I found it quite amusing that during Mr. Simpon’s parole hearing, he told the parole board that he’s always been a model citizen. I guess he forgot all that stuff about a glove that didn’t fit so you must acquit talk and a wild police chase in a white Ford Bronco. You would think he’d remember Marcia Clark, Chris Darden, Judge Ito and his “Dream Team” of lawyers but that’s just me…

This isn’t about him being a black man, this is about a man who is still a total narcissistic jerk. During his questioning by the parole board he made it sound as if he didn’t know he and his buddies were going to pull a robbery. Funny how it was everyone else’s fault but not his…

Mr. Simpson hasn’t changed during his time in prison. He’s the same old guy he’s always been. I wonder if during the last few years he’s been in jail, he’s been asking around to see if anyone knew who killed his estranged wife Nicole? Wasn’t it he who said, “I’m going to search everyday for her killer?” What a fake… This too will pass

The Russian Are Here…

I swear if I hear another news story how The Orange One was meeting with the Russians, I’m going to lose it. He’s so in deep with them, it’s unbelievable. If this was the 1950’s he would have been seated in a cell next to Alger Hiss and The Rosenbergs.

Without fail Sean Spicy Spicer and Kellyann Conway will excuse The Buffoon’s behavior or minimize it as, he’s not a politician and the Republicans will fall in step and defend this moron. Now it came out that he had a meal with Putin and no one bothered to mention it. God have mercy on us… This too will pass

The Intense Man…

It was the last ride of the night and that was fine for me. I actually wish I hadn’t accepted the request. An unshaven young man jumped in the car and said, “Mountain Vista!” I knew what Mountain Vista Treatment Facility dealt with and I figured that he must have been out on some sort of day pass to visit his family. He said, “I’m late. Get me there fast!”

Max was an intense man who towered over me and he exuded a rather scary vibe. As we went along our way, I got out of him that he was a soldier who had been honorably discharged from the army. His grandfather was a retired military man who operated a security business in Sonoma. At one point he said, “Hey would it be ok if we stopped at the 7/11 store on the way?” “Sure” I said. He came out of the store chugging two high caffeine iced coffees.

As we approached the facility he said, “Drop me off at the guard shack. I sit there until 6am when I get relieved. I make sure the drunks and addicts don’t run off.” It was right then I realized he wasn’t a patient, he was a guard. As he got out he said, “I got you! You like my psycho act?” We both laughed… This too will pass

This Is Getting Old

I tell my Uber riders that I’m sixty though I look fifty. They say sixty is the new forty and forty is the new twenty. So, what’s that makes me eleven or dead? I wish I could claim ownership of that joke but I can’t. Me knot two smart too think up such a funknee joke…

Once again the days are starting to run together and that’s ok. The World’s Largest Telecommunications Company is now begging us to do overtime in the middle of summer. You would have thought the workload would have gone down at this time of year but it only has gotten busier…

Rob and I have been working so much overtime that there hasn’t been much activity at The Firewood Temple. Between starting work early and the sun setting gradually earlier, there has been no time to do anything. It will all work out, it always does. This too will pass

The Screaming Couple…

After not Uber’ing for a few days, it actually felt good doing it last night; that was until my last ride of the night. It was 10:30 when Denise and what appeared to be her husband got into the back seat of my car. Both of them had been drinking wine all day, so by 10:30 they were quite inebriated and feeling no pain.

They seemed to be happy drunks until the guy made a stupid comment only a boozehound would say, “The (wine) pourer liked your breasts.” No one says that in a sober state let alone in the presence of a stranger. One thing led to another and it was on. A verbal fight ensued and at one point, I warned them to either knock it off or their next stop would be the sheriff’s office.

Accusations were bandied about by both sides which included: You were the one who had the affair and I know about you and Steve. Again I warned them about keeping it down or I would look for the closest sheriff patrol car. As we approached their destination I said, “It looks like you two need to seek a marriage therapist to talk over your issues.” What was their response in unison? Keep out of it. This too will pass

She’s In Shock…

I’ve been coming to this coffee stand since I started living at The Firewood Temple and every morning Diana would greet me with a smile and happy words. From time to time we would exchange pictures of our grandchildren. 

Eight months ago her husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. She told me of how they had gone to Stanford Medical Center for some advanced treatment and of his progress. One morning I said to her, “If things don’t go well, you need to seek counseling so you don’t fall apart.” She agreed with me.

Unfortunately, he passed away a few weeks ago. Her young employee told me she was suffering extremely and wouldn’t be around much. Yesterday, there she was smiling and bubbling with excitement; it was as if she had won the lottery. I started to say to her, “I’m sorr…” She quickly replied, “I’m here so I can forget about…” It was right then she turned to another customer and said, “He sweetie! What can I get you?” This too will pass

Have We Fallen This Far…

Please tell me movie goers won’t want to waste their time on this sort of crap or will they? Has the movie industry lost it or do they think we have been dumbed down so badly as to think we would watch this sort of dreck? 

Unfortunately, a movie about these “loveable” phone screen characters will probably make more money than Gone With The Wind and Ben Hur put together. What do you want to bet McDonald’s already is making Happy Meals with the cute characters on their bags. Nothing says tasty as a poop character on your food container. 

I guess this movie is directed towards the easily entertained. What do you want to bet there are jokes made about “Poop” smelling bad? I couldn’t make this stuff up. Have we Americans been so dumbed down to  put an Orange Buffoon into The White House and have us waste 90 minutes watching emojis crack jokes? Sadly, I guess we have…. This too will pass

My Junk Mail Is Full Again…

Ir, yes that’s his name, says he can get me girls that want to be with me but so will Popish, Vrak and Sna. How is it that these four guys and I presume they are guys, know girls in my area? All I have to do is give each of them my credit card number and they will introduce me to their friends in my area. 

Let’s see what else is in my bag of spam… Walmart, Home Depot and Sears want me to receive a prepaid gift card of dollars 50 if I just give them my credit card number to cover the cost of shipping the gift cards to me. I guess their research company is on such a tight budget that they can’t afford a stamp and envelope. 

Finally, a well known doctor has offered to fix my male enhancement issues with a bottle of his pills. Okay so he’s not from around here, he’s from Nirobi but for the mere cost of dollars 25, he can make me a real man. He says he’s done all the research so I won’t have to do it and he says I would get all my money back if it doesn’t work. This too will pass