I truly want to roll the boulder against the opening of my cave and wait for the latest drama to pass. Late last night, Matt’s mom called and asked if I could take him to the hospital so he could get a X-Ray for his supposedly injured neck. “Injured neck? I thought it was his chest?” I asked. “He says now it’s his neck.” was her reply. The truth is, it’s all part of his psychosis and the medications he’s taking hasn’t helped relieve this constant idea he’s injured. He had been on the high school football and wrestling teams but that was 10 years ago and now he’s complaining?
So here I wait for him to get an X-Ray at the hospital where my mother died some 24 years ago. It was right around this time that she had a massive heart attack that took her life. I’m standing in the exact place where I stood that morning they pulled the plug on her.
A lot has happened in these past 24 years and I’m sure even more drama will follow. Who knows I might land up here in my final days. I believe Harry Chapin sang it best, “All my life is a circle from sunrise to sun fall.” This too will pass, it always does.
The meteorologists on the local news stations have been telling us that a major storm is coming to Northern California. They say, “The first major storm of the season will bring 2 inches of rain, Yet not to worry for the San Francisco Giants victory parade will be spared the brunt of the storm’s rain.” Yesterday with certainty, the weather-casters were saying, “Bring a raincoat for the lingering showers… We see the bulk of the rain hitting between 3am and 7am.”
Ahhh, It’s 6:15am and not a drop of rain has shown up and the storm front is still about one hundred miles off the coast of Northern California. So it looks as if during the height of the parade it’s going to pour. They are expecting a million Giants Fans to line the rainy Market Street parade route.
The truth is, we need as much rain as we can get. I’m hoping there’s a literal downpour that replenishes the life giving water this state so badly needs. Our massive reservoirs are empty and lately there is no wild fire season, it’s all the time. The Sierras Forests to the East are tinder dry and now we hear of a possible winter of little snow. I’m a fan of The San Francisco Giants but let it rain on my parade. This too will pass.
I went to my post office box this afternoon and found a letter from my supervisor. I opened it and found my vacation request form for 2015 due back to him by November 9th. I’m entitled to six week and a day but I’m ready to pack it up. If I never walk thru those garage doors again it wouldn’t bother me. It turns out I’m number ten in seniority in my area and I earlier thought I could make it closer to the top of the list. Oh well, really what does it matter?
Today I enjoyed being semi-retired. I actually wrote quite a bit and sat at a Starbucks for a couple of hours and did nothing. I joined a group old regulars who are also retired. No, life is good and I don’t want to go back to driving back and forth to go to spend ten hours at a job I detest. No thanks. I’d rather take a nap when I want to. I’d rather go for a walk, work out I do nothing at all. My new goal is to lose all the weight I regained after I stopped working out last time. We’ll see what happens… Good Night.. This too will pass.
The San Francisco Giants just won their 3rd World Series Championship in five years. Some of the residents of The City by The Bay have been up all night partying and rioting. Really, nothing says baseball success like setting a debris box on fire. You would think a trash container on fire would have been the result if the team had lost the final game of The Series but no we have burning garbage cans in success. Why does it always happen in The Mission District?
From 1989 to 2002, I was one of the two phone guys for The San Francisco Giants at Pacific Bell Park. We had complete access to every inch of the park including the clubhouse and press box. Now twelve years later I’d need to buy a ticket to just get into the front door of stadium. Time moves on and so did I. In 1989 we placed 400 phone lines for the press, police and the baseball club. I spoke to my work buddy and he said this time he put in 30 lines and that was it. Wireless, Fiber and VoIP has done away with the need for hundreds of landlines. Once again things change and nothing stays the same.
If the every other year pattern continues, The Giants will not do well next year. I wonder if the riotous fans will burn trash cans when The Giants end the season in second, third or fourth place next year? I doubt it. No, they reserve that behavior when The Giants are number one. We’re Number One for 364 days. This too will pass.
The second video Netflix sent me was the classic 2001 Space Odyssey. It had been many years since I had watched this masterpiece. I was eleven years old when this movie was released and being a kid caring about our space program, I wanted to see it. The truth is, my father wanted to see it so he took me with him.
It was a rainy evening at 5pm when the movie let out. As we left The Golden Gate Theater, I asked my father what that black monolith was. He replied, “Hijo it’s Dios”. I was scared seeing the black monolith when it appeared in the desert and the chimpanzees encountered it. Was the monolith really God and why did it come to earth to teach monkeys to smash other monkeys with clubs made of bones? The monolith was intelligence of sorts if teaching monkeys to smash other monkeys is intelligence.
I find it amazing that Kubrick looked constantly forward. He saw voice print identification and cell phones 30 years before they ever showed up in the collective consciousness. He even had FaceTime using The Universe’s Largest Telecommunications Company then known as The Bell System… Amazing. That too did pass
My ill son called me this afternoon demanding five hundred dollars. When I asked what it was going to go, he became agitated. “Can’t I ask you without having to explain what it’s for?” I’m a softie but when he was able to spend 14,000 in two months, I don’t think asking him where it would be going was an over top request. Was it going to be for a means of transportation or rent for a room? No His illness was telling him he needed a set of tattoos on his forearms. When I denied his request he started to scream vile words into the phone until I hung up.
I texted him the following, “Matt. I never once told you to smoke weed. If I did then shame on me but I don’t believe I did. When you were in San Diego getting your degree, you hit me up every other day for 40 or 60 dollars. I never questioned where you were spending that money until you said,”I’m not going to class because I want to see this sunflower turn from yellow to red.” Little did I know you were spending papa’s money on things other than books and food.”
Then when you were released from the hospital down there and made you’re way back up here, it was more tales of how you needed to take care of a friend down there. I knew you were telling me a story but I let it go. It’s always excuses with you. When I was trying to move out of the house you couldn’t even come by for your cat and then you blamed me for leaving her with the new owners. Now 17 days at that facility and they say they can’t stabilize because you smoked so much weed. And here’s the thing, you boasted your love of weed and your buddies. If you think I get some joy writing you this, I don’t. I have compassion and forgiveness but it’s sink or swim, start swimming. I love you.” This too will pass
I’ll admit it, I strayed away from my spiritual path for many years and yet I know that I am not condemned. The Cosmic Consciousness has compassion and forgiveness for everyone’s evil ways. I’ll call them ‘asleep’ ways, not evil ways. Okay, I’m unschooled on The Bible but the fact is, God doesn’t want to see anyone suffer, for this being we call God is pure compassion. I find it interesting that the tele-preachers of The Bible seem to always say, “Only by repenting can you obtain God’s forgiveness.” Wasn’t it Christ who said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Now ministers will say God is angry against those who act poorly but really infinite power of The Cosmic Consciousness is love. Christians always like to spout the angry and stern words of Jesus but how much more forgiveness could there be when he said those words.
This morning I received a text from someone I hadn’t heard from in a while. The text was simple: “”Pray for my mother with breast cancer and my friend who is dying.” I replied, “I will.” What do you say to someone who asks for prayer? No? An heartless person would and I’m trying to be the most heart full person there is. The truth is, should they both succumb to their illnesses one must look at the big picture of things. How did those two people’s lives add to the Collective Consciousness on this plane of existence? What light did they add to those around them? Everyone on this plane of existence is born and eventually dies and that’s the way it is. One can only hope that the suffering is kept to a minimum and they can be surrounded by those souls who loved them.
It is right now that my phrase I live by comes in so well…..
Two months ago I had the worst credit a man could have. For years, I would get letters from the one remaining credit card in my possession telling me, “How after review we have lowered your credit limit.” They always felt they needed to remind me that good credit is important thing in today’s life. What else did they tell me? Making timely payments is a good way to keep my credit rating up.
The other day I received letter from that same credit card company. This time the title was “Good News!” Guess what? I evidentially have a proven track record of being prudent with my credit. Oh and since I have made on time payments that leads them to think I’m worthy of having my credit limit raised.
I thought I was deemed the lowest of the low when it came to credit. Now I’m suddenly their best customer? There isn’t much you can do to get back at those miserable credit card companies. The credit companies and credit agencies have rigged the whole game. If you close a card it lowers your rating, that alone sounds criminal. Soon it won’t matter and hopefully the paradigm will totally change.,, This too will pass
For a while now, I’ve self-centeredly been thinking I’m the only one in this world who pays it forward. What I saw today put my faith back in humanity and shattered that thought. Here I was sitting at Starbucks writing and enjoying a cup of oatmeal and blueberries, when a woman walked in and placed her bag on a table. She walked over the the windows and lowered the sun screens cooling the whole sun baked room… My first impression was she was a take charge executive who did what the others were too meek to ask the staff to do. She walked behind me to join the line as it started to form out the front door. I then heard, “Do you want a cup of coffee? Excuse me. Yes, would you like a cup of coffee?”
I had seen this man before while sitting at this Starbucks. He’s a rail thin feebleminded old man and from what I’ve seen, there are times he can barely keep his pants up using a home made rope belt. The old man must be a regular here because at one point one of the smarmy young barristas came up to him and said, “I’m going to ask you to le….” At that point the woman said, “That’s okay he’s my guest.” The barrista looked around and saw the approving faces of those around him and knew she was out numbered. Quickly she replied, “Oh ok.” She quickly disappeared behind the counter. The little old man showed no reaction for his sole goal was a cup of coffee. The old man asked for his large coffee and then he was gone. He literally shuffled his way out the door in tiny movements never raising his feet off the ground.
That my friends is humanity in action and it makes up for all the bad things that has happened in this world. I doubt that tired old man can pay anything forward at this point in his life. It doesn’t matter. That woman made a difference in one humans life. Yes even this too will pass.
A few months ago, The San Francisco Giants were going thru a terrible losing streak after leading the pack of teams for months. It looked real bad for the Giants during the month of June when they lost their 9 game lead over the other teams falling to three games back. July looked equally bad while they saw their hated rivals The Los Angeles Dodgers keep winning. No, things looked really bleak if you were a Giants fan during the early summer months.
The local sports talk radio station hosts were so willing to throw the team under the bus. Now, The San Francisco Giants are heroes and if they win one of two upcoming games, they will be super heroes. I wonder what will happen if they by chance lose both games? I’m sure the talk show hosts will support the team and all the coaches. There won’t be any talk of firing the team manager and there won’t be any talk how we need new “life” on the team and releasing of “dead wood” players.
Of all the KNBR hosts there was only one level headed host who kept saying, “Let’s wait and see what happens.” He wasn’t so easy as the other talk hosts to jump on the “Run them out of town” bandwagon. While his listeners were writing the team off as losers, he was the wise one who sat like a Zen Monk with wisdom. You Marty Lurie are a wise man of baseball. Yes even this too will pass.