Time To Reflect…

I lit my candles this morning and gave thanks toThe Cosmic Consciousness for what it allowed me to learn this past year. Tonight Rob invited me to travel to his house in Glen Ellen to ring in the New Year with his family and friends. He’ll have his well chosen bottles of sparkling wine out but he knows I don’t drink so he’ll have his sparkling apple juice set out.Today is the last day of 2014 and being that it’s the last day of this year, aren’t we suppose to reflect on what we have experienced. I saw The Cosmic Consciousness work in magical and beautiful ways by bringing someone I love back from darkness into  the light. She now is starting to see what is real and what is unreal. It is by God’s beautiful face that something clicked inside her and she will regain that flame within. The Atman never goes out but I must admit it was almost an ember.

Let’s see what else is happened? Oh I sold that house to a young family who adopted Toonce and Nora. That worked out well and now here I sit in my monk mobile and I’m okay with it. Who really knows what will happen in the future and really does it matter? I’m living in the moment. On January 21st I will be released back to active duty. I’ve been saying I want to retire but now I am tending to think that I can stick it out for at least six more months. Though I can’t stand The World’s Largest Telecommunications Company, the money is excellent. I need to replenish what I’ve spent over the last five months or i will be broke once again. I’ve lived on the financial edge my entire life and I can do it again if I have to. It’s no fun but that too did pass.

Happy New Years to one and all. May God’s light shine upon you.

as i am…

very good….

A Thing of Grace

as i bow my head in prayer each morning i praise the thousand forms of the goddess
– she who encompasses all aspects of creation
as i step from my building onto the sand each day i ask forgiveness of mother earth
– she bears my weight and steadies my feet
as i glance to the ocean every day i wonder at the vastness of creation
– it is puzzling that we differentiate the waves from the water
as i begin my labors each day i strive to offer the best of myself
– the purest aspects that are the hardest to find
as i speak to my father, who follows Christ, i am grateful
– he embraces the universality of the search for God
as i read the news about the middle east, prayers spontaneously erupt from my mind
– the people in that region are but human, and…

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Baltazar Beat Me To It…

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I arrived to my talking doctor appointment to find he had double booked himself. He asked that I return at 1:30, so with time to kill, I did what I enjoy. The Oakland Cemetery was a perfect place to stroll, no one bothers you and it’s fun to find a new stone or monument. Yes it’s a bit weird but I’m a bit weird.

Mr. Baltazar must have appreciated Jimmy Webb’s Macarthurs Park from the late sixties. He didn’t include the infamous verse of, “Someone left my cake out in the rain and I don’t think I can take for it took so long to bake it…” He did chisel the best verse. “There will be another song for me and I will sing it…. And after all the loves of my you’ll still be the One!” Classic.. This too will pass.

Robert Redford’s All Is Lost…

I had forgotten I added this movie to my Netflix list, so when it showed up I was pleasantly surprised. I really don’t know how Redford didn’t get an Oscar for this movie but this gem of a film deserved one. This is a story of one man barely surviving a sailboat wreck with a wayward shipping container. Remind me not to sail on a sailboat by myself in the Sumatra Straits in monsoon season.

AirAsia Flight 8501 tried to fly thru a massive monsoonal storm in that area and now it’s wreckage lies on the ocean floor of The Sumatra Strait. I’m sure the flight crew thought it would be just another routine flight but it ended up being their last. After yesterday’s disaster, today’s movie selection seems to be very well timed. Yes it was only a movie and when the director said cut, Redford would retire to his dressing room but it tells a story of human struggle.

If you haven’t seen this wonderful movie, check it out. This might be one of Robert Redford’s last movies he does but he was excellent in it. Here’s the thing, I always like movies which make me ask the question, “What would you do if you were in that situation.” Hopefully I wouldn’t panic and if I knew I might be stuck on a raft out in the middle of an ocean, l might want to understand the principles of a sextant. This too will pass

Self Worth From WordPress…

Now that the end of the year is near, the folks at WordPress are sending out statistics of how popular people’s blogs are. Wow, I find it pathetic that they dangle a carrot in front of wanna be writers to make them feel good about themselves. I couldn’t care less how many opera halls would be filled by my viewers. I suppose collecting hits and likes fills the ego but really who cares.

If you think your self worth as a writer is based on how many people view your blog, then put the word ‘sex’ in all tags and watch how viewed your blog becomes. In reverse, don’t post anything for a few days and watch your numbers tumble. Oh I feel like a cranky man this morning dag nab it! No, if it makes you feel good to collect blog views then more power to you. I find people who just put the comment button on their blog selfless. I have an ego, don’t get me wrong but boasting how many people have checked my corner of WordPress isn’t my thing. This too will pass.

Was I Good Enough.. Ask The Priests…

I have never felt I was good enough in other people’s eyes. My mother wanted to be something I wasn’t and for some reason, my father thought I was a drug addict. He had nothing to base his beliefs on but in his mind I was less than worthless. In my 20’s, the mother of my three sons wanted me to convert to be a good Catholic man. I stopped that in the bud and that in turn created nothing but resentment in our marriage not to mention hate with her parents.

I had endured enough of what the priests of The Roman Catholic Church had done during my younger years and for the few times I’d join her at Saturday Mass, all I could remember was the numerous priests telling me, “Now it’s my turn.” I’m sure not all men of the cloth are pedophiles, I happened to find those who were.

The biggest joke was the priest who married us that rainy Saturday afternoon. His name was Father Miles Something, he later was defrocked for well you know. Everyone who works hard deserves a retirement. The Church sent that fellow into an early retirement, I suppose he had earned it. It’s only now that I’m coming to terms with what happened during my younger days.

Thru my life I was told I either didn’t communicate enough or that I wore my pants too low. Even my children would say mean things about me. You might be asking yourself why I did what I did for someone a long way away? That person in my life never once made me feel less than. Never once did she tell me, “You watch too much TV or lie to everyone.” I feel completely safe with her and that is why I did what I did… This too will pass.

A Wanna Be…

The last few days I’ve had nothing to write about. It’s as if once again the words have dried out within me. I keep some of my posts in draft and then release them when I go dry. When I was working I had new material but now my resources are limited. Sometimes I hate being a writer, it’s almost a curse. I’ll be back into the groove in a bit.

Even Saying The Word Karma Yogi Negates Things..

I did what I had to do and for this I want no thanks. I know that if I had been in a similar position of need, A-Z would have done the same for me. Even saying this simple statement is my ego trying to reap a benifit of action. I beleive this chapter in my life is over and now it’s onto something else. The wise ones say there are many ways to attain enlightenment and being a karma yogi is just one of the ways. For a long time I worked day in and day out trying to do the best job I could do so I could offer it to The Lord, those days are done. Now I’m at a different path in my journey. If I was to die today, I will have completed one of my tasks or lessons. I had agreed upon this struggle prior to birth but little did I know how difficult I it would be.

To tell you the truth, I was never much of a man who could sit in the lotus position for any period of time. For all the meditation I have done in my life nothing can compare with doing selfless action. Whether it’s buying a stranger in the car behind me a coffee or helping a person know that they still have the spiritual light with them, It’s what I do. Here’s the thing, I can recite maybe at most a couple verses of The Bible and I know the general premise of The Bhagavad Gita but at least I try to put into action the principles. I strayed away from my path for quite sometime and did some pretty dark things in my life but I know The Cosmic Consciousness has compassion and unconditional love for me. This too will pass.

Everything Changed For Me…

2014 was a year of complete and total upheaval in my life and yet it was the year I received complete and total resolution for something that happened long ago. I believe that after years of praying, The Cosmic Consciousness gave me a chance to help someone be the best they could be. The funny thing is no one will understand why I did what I did but I know exactly why I did it.

Part of this incredible tsunami of change was me selling that house of my father’s. I never viewed it as my house for I was simply it’s caretaker for the past six years. My care taking job consisted of me paying the house taxes on it and keeping it clean but the day I walked away from that house I gained liberation from a man who could only see every fault in me.

Finally my son had a total and complete psychotic break from reality. It took a 17 day stay in a psychiatric hospital and then a 28 day treatment program to set him on a better path. He now knows that he is ill and from here on out he will need to take medicine. I hope he can make it on his own after his mother and I move on… So now what and where do I go from here? I haven’t a clue but I’ll keep you informed… This too will pass.