Emeryville California…

My first job of the day found me here beside the busy train tracks which are directly across the street from this apartment complex. I got the key from the property manager and went about my business on the second floor parking garage. A freight train came barreling down the tracks sounding it’s horn and after 100 container cars it passed by… Five minutes later an equally long northbound train passed by sounding it’s horn. 

As I got on the elevator a man with packing boxes greeted me, he said, “I’m out of here! The rents too high..” I asked how high is high. I played twenty questions with him, “More that 1200?” He replied, “I have a 2 bedroom… Triple it!” I thought he was joking so when I went to drop off the key, I asked the property manager, “Hi, I’m thinking of moving. How much for a studio?” She replied, “Well we have one ready and available…. Let’s see…. Yes it’s going for 2169.000..” There was a time you could give away property in this industrial city… I’m staying exactly where I am. This too will pass.

My Life… In One Paragraph…

Here It’s 11am on February 28th 2015, I paid the rent for another month here at the KOA and then who knows where I’ll be on April 2nd. I think I’ll play it by ear and when it all comes down it, don’t we all? I mean who really knows what tomorrow will bring? If I knew, I’d play The Powerball for one sole ticket. Toonce plays it by ear everyday and he seems content. Last night on PBS there was a program about Being And Finding Happiness. For some souls happiness is totally an illusive thing. They spoke of the two wrong ways to find inner happiness: money, stuff. Thank goodness I couldn’t careless about either of the two. Sure you need both to survive in this plane of existence but I’m not tied to either. This too will pass…



SHAME …Why do Victims of Abuse Carry the Shame?

GentleKindness

Carrying shame with us is possible the single most devastating, caustic thing that can happen. We must find our way out of shame, because it will destroy is by crushing our self esteem and keeping us incapacitated, by self doubt and a feeling if unworthiness.

Shame is an emotion and it is a state of mental trauma. Any type of severe trauma can cause us to carry shame. In turn “shame” itself can cause mental trauma. Most often, a mental state of “shame” was brought on by others who intentionally manipulated and traumatized us into feeling unworthy and shameful.

Shame, according to Wikipedia

Shame is a negative, painful, social emotion that can be seen as resulting “…from comparison of the self’s action with the self’s standards…”.[1] but which may equally stem from comparison of the self’s state of being with the ideal social context’s standard.  Wikipedia

So…

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One Regal Feline!

Toonce and I are a cat and man team. Okay maybe it’s one sided but we are both happy. The day he came back into my life, it was a good day. He’s been behaving himself and with him staying outside most of the day, it’s working out just fine. Last night as I drove up I saw his little beacons reflecting off my headlights. I yelled out, “Tooncies!!!!! You loyal cat!” This to will pass.

Did You Make My Phone Die..

I’ve met some pretty unhappy souls in my life but the man I met yesterday took the prize for one of the most unhappy people in Berkeley California. I was sitting in my truck trying to stay cool when a man came up to the drivers window and said, “Are you working on the phones?” I replied, “I’m taking a break but I’m done and I’m about to move on.” I knew it was coming and believe me it always does, “My phone just went out about two hours ago! Did you do something to my phone?” 

Being that I started work at 1pm and here it was 2:30pm, the chances I did anything to the man’s phone was zero to none. He began to insist that I had caused his phone to be dead. “I know you did it and I want you to fix whatever you did.” I told him, “I’ll test the line for you. What’s your number?” He fumbled around, “It’s area code 510 Ahhh. Well don’t you have a way to get it?” I knew he wasn’t all there. He then miraculously spurted off his number. I remotely tested the line and it came up completely clean. 

He began to get irate when I told him the line test came back fault free. He said, “Is that all you can do? Just run a test,” I said, “You need to call it in to 611. I’m sorry.” He thanked me and stormed away down the hill. I looked his number up to see exactly where he lived. I couldn’t believe it, he lived about four miles away from where I was sitting. I thought to myself, “Poor man he’s full of unhappiness.” I don’t know if it’s a psychosis or just his pain body talking but either way, he is anything but happy. This too will pass.

Prem Tech and The Old Man…

The World’s Largest Communications Company has decided to have the new  and young premise technicians climb the poles now. Sure it’s cheaper than us doing it but hiking a stick is an acquired skill that takes a few years to master. Prior to me having this truck, I did it everyday. Now if I can’t reach the terminal I put on my climbing belt and climb up. I drove up to my third job to find the premise technician trying to figure out a birds nest of wires in the terminal. Nice guy John, I told him to climb down and I’d boom up. We chatted about life at T.W.L.T.C and I asked him his age. “I’m 22!” He was born twelve years after I started working for this company… Now I feel old… This too will pass. 



I DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT I COULD EVER STOP

This man is blessed!! Check out his blog…

FROM STRUGGLE TO STRENGTH

I didn’t know then what I know now.
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I thought back then that I was going to die an addict. Truth is I didn’t even know I was an addict. I just thought I used too much drugs. I lied to myself constantly saying I could stop anytime I wanted to I just didn’t want to stop. The truth was revealed to me when I tried to stop and found out that I couldn’t. I realized a pattern developing where as the only way I could stop was to either get arrested or go into treatment. After several years on institution hopping I was beatin to a point of utter exhaustion. I was clueless as to what to do and was ready to end my life rather than continue living the way I was. I had hit rock bottom again, but this bottom was different.

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I felt different. I felt…

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Heaven….

Note to self: When buying a new RV take the time to check the mattress out before signing on the dotted line. For the last six months I have endured ‘The Rack’ and finally tonight I might get a decent night’s sleep. I might even wake up not stiff and sore. A couple of Sundays ago I ordered a comfort foam mattress from an online RV mattress company. It arrived yesterday to the front office and today I picked it up.

I’ve slept on other mattresses but this has got to be the best I’ve ever laid on. I’m laying here and telling it, “Where have you been all my life.” No really, it’s awesome. Maybe my enthusiasm got the best of me when I got it into the cave. It came in a five foot long, one foot square box. I took it out of the box and it was wrapped in a sealed plastic bag. Foolish me, I opened the bag and now it’s a foot thick… I didn’t quite get the chance to remove the old one from below. Until I get the old one out from underneath, I’ll use ropes and crampons to climb into the bed. This too will pass.

It’s Good To Have My Buddy Back..

IMG_1678 We talked all night of his adventures at the old house and of how he waited for me to return. Finally one day he decided to move on with his life, though he always knew I would return someday. He told me how he tried to warm up with the new people in the house and of how they kept shooing him outside. He thought his days outside would be limited to the warm late summer evenings but then the cool fall nights showed up and still he was kept out.

I tried to tell him of what had happened in my life but he was too busy telling me the story of how the final few chickens met their maker. The night that growling mountain lion showed up in November and finished off the last of them, well he backed up the story the new owners had told me. For a moment he too thought he’d be dinner.

Toonce then jumped down off the bed and wanted to go outside and explore his new surrounding.

IMG_1662-0 This too will pass.