Does Anyone Know How It Feels…? 

My son is now missing for nine days and he’s either on an alcohol or drug fueled binge and I’m wondering if I’ll will get that call that no father wants to get from an authority personnel far away. Please tell me at what point do you just give up and hope for the best. I really don’t understand those who leave their families in the lurch. Have they no caring as to what those who love them are going thru or is it they just don’t care? Maybe it’s just that they don’t care about anyone but themselves. 

Those who deal with addictions say everyone has the bottom of the barrel point prior to getting clean,I wonder what Matt’s is… Prior to him being sent down to the warmer climate of San Diego he was rolled a couple of time by the street vermin up here in quiet Santa Rosa. For me, that would be my low point but not him. I’m sure he thinks he’s just fine. What will his low point be? Being sodomized by a group of men or waking up in a pool of vomit in a doorway.

To complicate matters, he also was diagnosed with schizophrenia with psychosis. You might says he’s totally out of control and he’s a literal mess. If you think I like saying he’s a mess, you’re totally wrong. I hate it and I hate thinking it but he is what he is… I can’t change anything and all I can do is wait to see what happens. What a lousy position to find yourself in. This too will pass

14 thoughts on “Does Anyone Know How It Feels…? 

  1. I dealt with a partner who developed addictions throughout the course of our relationship, special thanks to his family and friends.

    I left him to his addictions after a while. His choices were his own to make, and I could no longer hold myself responsible for them. Who was being responsible for me? Certainly not him.

    I don’t regret the decision. He’s still in his mess, and I’ve moved on to better things. You can’t carry the burden of other people’s bad decisions throughout your life. It allows them to pass the blame and guilt on to you.

    I’m sure it’s much different when you’re the parent though. I’m sorry about your son.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know what it’s like to have a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, but I do understand what it feels like when someone you love is missing and the fear that something has happened to them. From the age of 11 to 14 I spent a lot of time riding through my community on my beach cruiser searching for my mom whenever she went missing. She was strung out on drugs and she would go missing for days. I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through with your son, but keep your thoughts positive. I hope that everything will be okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know he’s walking the streets of San Diego and that’s about it. There’s a serial killer of homeless causing havoc in that area lately which only has me worrying more besides all the other people who want to do harm….

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh! I think I read something in the newspapers even over here, about some serial killer over there… what is the world coming to… I ca understand you are especially worried due to these circumstances!! Is it possible that you and his mother could report him as a “missing person” since you havent heard from him in days? Or would the police not bother looking, I dont know the climate over there, I can imagine it is quite tough. As it is over here, when it comes to homeless people, authorities dont seem to care too much… only in those cases where family/ relatives pressure authorities to find them/do something… oh, whatever you do, I hope for some positive change for him!! Take care. ⚘

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh no. I am so very sorry for this. It must be awful for you, I cant even imagine. I wish you and your family all the best and I keep all my fingers crossed! Take care. My thoughts and all my hope are with you. Will check in soon again to see what has happened. 💙


  3. Hi Dad.
    I hope my words will help in some way. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through, but I completely understand what your son is up to. I am the female version. I did to my family what he is doing to you and your wife. The biggest difference is that my diagnosis is Bipolar.

    I want to first address the folks who have replied with sympathy and an excuse. I know you mean well, but he knew perfectly well what he was doing when he chose to go off meds. The disorders that he and I have are different, but some things are the same. If we are stabilized on meds and we make a conscious choice to stop taking them, who’s fault is it? Yup. Mine and his. I have done it more than once. We don’t like how “flat” the drugs make us feel so we throw them out. That is my choice alone. I did not ask how my family felt or what their opinion was so why should they have to keep paying the price?
    I am really not an ugly person nor I am I trying to make you feel bad. I just want you to see that I do have culpability. This mom and dad have been through hell and they live it every day. Parents can reach the end of hope and out of desperation, take their own lives.
    Dad and Mom, you have done everything you could do for this child and more. Let go. I can’t imagine how hard those words must be too hear, but you can not begin to understand how critical it is that you do hear them. It will always be your fault – until you stop accepting responsibility. Why should he feel like shit and be a big boy when good old dad falls for my hurtful words every time? Why should I straighten up and take my treatment as if my life depended on it, if you guys are willing to enable me at every turn? Did you and Mom place an order for a baby with mental illness? I didn’t think so. Look, we are master manipulators. Parents make mistakes and we are the best at making you feel like crap. The BIGGEST mistake you can make at this point is too keep enabling him. I didn’t even begin to start growing up until my dad was no longer there to enable me. I was about 37 years old and still without Bipolar diagnosis. I wasn’t thriving but I was still here.
    There are no guarantees in life. He could die. You could also bring him home and baby him and he could still die. Life is temporary. Or, you could get out of his way and let him sprout those wings you and mom provided him with.
    Then, if you and mom are not in counseling or a good support group, PLEASE GO FIND ONE OR BOTH AND FOCUS ON YOURSELVES AND EACH OTHER. Yes, I yelled at you. That last part is critical. Please hear me when I tell you this, getting out of his way doesn’t make you a bad parent. Quite the opposite. It simply means you are parents doing what you feel is best for your son. Do not allow anyone to question or judge you. This is your child, your journey.
    I promise you, he is not helpless. I don’t know where I would be today if my family had kept rescuing me. I believe I would have finally been successful at committing suicide.

    I will shut up now. I am sorry if I have offended your readers because I’m sure they mean well. If they haven’t walked in your shoes or his, they can’t understand how agonizing this gets for both sides. I am usual really nice but every one of you probably have that “b” word on the tip of your tongue.
    I am here for you and wife any time. I do not mind answering questions or giving you what reassurance I can. I am not a professional counselor, just a professional parental unit manipulator. You are more than welcome to email me if you would like to talk. I am trying to work on changing up my site so I am going to post email right here.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I have a couple of other labels as well, but sounds like he has a tougher path to walk than I do.
        It may not be next week or next month or even next year, but he may just surprise you one day if you can convince yourself that you have to get out of his way. As long as you buy into his self-pity, his rage and blame I can almost guarantee you that his wings will stay clipped. So he blames you. Don’t you have other children? Are they doing okay and pretty stable in life? If you were a truly lousy parent they would all be out there with him.
        I know his thinking is really messed up because he chose to go off his meds but he figured out how to find a phone and call you for money, didn’t he? He’s not near as incompetent or inadequate as he would have you believe. I understand the mental illness side. I promise. Does any of what I’m saying make sense?
        I don’t want to be hurtful or disrespectful to you in any way. You have been through enough already

        Liked by 1 person

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