Matt… Thank You

I’m going to block Matt’s calls and he can go pound salt. After butt dialing me and unknowingly leaving me a message, I’m totally done with him until he gets help. After this morning revelation as to The depth of his addiction, I’m completely broken. My heart has always gone out to those I’ve care about and I would literally do anything for them but it’s the feeling I’ve been used that has me beyond angry.

Matt kept reassuring me that all he was doing was drinking a little beer, as if that was supposed to make me feel better but now I know what he’s really been doing. I’m sure he’d have an excuse and he would tell me, “Dad! I wasn’t using you!” That’s an addict’s standard phrase and maybe they believe it in their drug addled mind. As soon as it’s 8am West Coast Time, I’m calling his mom and tell her of his antics. I won’t have his mom used anymore  because she has tried so hard with him.

I’m totally and completely broken, if I had heard him getting robbed that might have sounded a little better. I know that sound terrible but he is lost in an addiction. The other day he was screaming at me how I only care about “that baby” and my other children, at least they have futures… He has none. This too will pass

15 thoughts on “Matt… Thank You

  1. Believe me when I tell you that I know exactly how you feel and in the future you will feel heartbroken, defeated, hopeless, inadequate as a parent and possibly be accused of deserting him. It took me almost twenty years to be able to stop enabling my son. I would have spent every last dime I had to help him….but he didn’t want it.
    I was talking to him about winning the lottery (I never play) and I told him that if I won, the first thing I would do would be to send him to a top-notch rehab center.
    His response was “I wouldn’t go.”
    That pretty much did it for me. I knew ten that the only person who was ever going to be able to help him was him and he wasn’t ready. I don’t think he has ever “hit rock bottom.” He is so charming that somebody ALWAYS rescues him.
    I have no idea how he is doing right now. It’s probably best.
    Try to stay strong and hope that your son will find his way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If he’s as confused and out of controlled as you say then he can’t help himself. I don’t know if anyone can help him. It has to be impossibly difficult. I watched my son die from leukemia and was helpless to do save him…so I know what helplessness feels like. Now you have to make up your mind to be happy… for Hunter and your other children because they can feel your pain. That is YOUR choice.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Everything and its opposite. “Only in the US” and “France is next.” Intellectuals analysing the political system versus reductionists blaming it on ISIS. I usually run away when the subject comes up – most of those with an opinion don’t know what they’re talking about. At the end of the day there is no simple explanation to it all. There are circumstances, context and nuances to consider and most people here have never heard of red versus blue states or the tea party, never mind the other issues driving his successes to date.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this but honestly, at some point what more can you do? You’re right…he’ll come up with some button-pushing statement which is just an addict talking.

    Like

  4. I know saying I love you but not the alcoholism! Support by saying the repeated lines, “Go to your meetings. I believe you have the strength to keep trying.” In the end, our gift is showing we believe in them, even when you don’t Juan.

    Liked by 1 person

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