Today Was The Worst Day of My Life…

At 11:45am Toonce breathed his last breath. We showed up at 8:15am and with the encouragement of Tashi’s mother, I ordered more blood work panels and a couple more x-rays. The vet said, “Let’s see what’s going on with Tooncie before we act.” I must say I was a crying baby as they took him out of my arms. I had told them that I would be flying to New Jersey tonight and they knew it might be the last time I would see him… After waving to the staff and receptionists I returned to the car and cried.

Two hours later, I got the call I dreaded. The tumor had spread to buddy’s liver and his lungs were full of water and his kidneys had all be closed down. The vet said, “Toonce isn’t well and this might be the time to head back here to be with him.” Being a coward at first I said, “I just can’t be there. I’m driving down The 101 crying! I just can’t.” I hung up and called M and T and M said just one sentence, “Listen Juan, He was there for you all those dark scary nights waiting for you!”

I screamed out, “Damn you but damn you’re right. I’m not abandoning him again.” I hung up and called the doctor and told her I was on my way. The staff was waiting for me with love understanding and caring. All the staff came in the quiet comfort room and kissed Toonce on the forehead and said goodbye. After a few minutes I told Toonce, “I’ll always love you and I’ll remember you my friend. You are a great friend!” 

The doctor entered the room and softly said, “We all loved him here. No other pet has been as loved as Mr. Tooncies.” I signed the required papers and within three minutes his soul departed…

This too will pass…

64 thoughts on “Today Was The Worst Day of My Life…

  1. No words can help at this time. I am glad you could be there at the end for him. You gave each other many years of love. When you think of him try to think of the positive good times you had together. It seems he was a special cat and you sir are a special person. It takes a grand person to love a cat that much. Thinking of you. Sad hugs

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Juan,
    I’ve clicked like to your posts about Toonce to show my support. Our pets do know when they are dying. It does not come as a surprise to them.

    Have a wonderful and safe trip, and don’t worry about the crying. Tears are words that cannot be expressed.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I echo Xena’s words, and also clicked “likes” only to show support. There is little to like about this day for you – except that you were there for Toonce when it *really* counted. btw- Real men have real feelings – brave enough to show the world how very much things matter.

    If you don’t already know about Rainbow Bridge, google it. It will give you a moment’s peace. (Google it even if you DO know about it – go read it – ALL God’s animals wait for us there)

    No matter what people tell you, you will never “get over it,” – and how much worse if you could. You will, eventually, learn to live with it — and to be able to focus on all the wonderful memories. This is the cost of loving a spirit that we know we will outlive. I know you know in your heart it is well worth the pain to have had so much joy together. In time it won’t be such a “kicked in the gut” feeling – your heart will heal, but there will always be a scar to honor a life well loved.

    But today – and probably for a while longer – no words can hold back the pain – or the tears. I am SO sorry for your loss.
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Juan- I’m so sorry for all you and Toonces went through – but even though it was the hardest thing you’ve ever done, I’m so purroud of you fur going back to the vet to be with him.

    He wants you to know he loves you and he’s glad you came back – he loved being your buddy and he still is. He’s watching over you.

    He’s purring softly beside you 💙


  5. Juan, I loved that Tones was always waiting there for you when you came home from work. Especially on those harried days. I’m sad along with you and can’t help but remember all the faithful cats that have blessed my own life. When the time comes, you need to get another buddy to be there for you as Toonces was and Toonce will be there with both of you, always. Peaceful memories, my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

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