Let Him Rot or Not…

Every other day Matt’s been calling me, “Hey dad, it’s me Matthew. Listen, can you or mom put money on my books? The food here is terrible and not enough. Please…” I’m an easy touch as they say. I dropped money on his books and so has his mom…

This morning Matt calls and says, “Dad, now they say I’m going to be here for 30 more days and I think they messed up. Can you please call my public defender and tell her? Please…” Once again I took the bait and dropped in another 20 and called his court appointed lawyer and left a message. I begged her saying, “My son has mental health and addiction issues. Please can you call me?” As of yet no call.

I then texted his mom and told her of his story of a messed up penal system and of his release date. She texted back, he’s there for another 30 day minimum for being under the influence and in possession of a controlled substance while in custody. “Oh Dad, I’m so hungry. Please I need food.” He makes me physically sick. People tell me, “Juan, he’s sick. It’s part of his illness.”

 I’ve helped those who knew they needed help as well as those who didn’t even know they needed help. Quite frankly, not one of them remembers and Matt won’t either. Maybe at some point he’ll clean up and write me down as a step eight or is it nine in The Twelve Steps ritual; a person to say sorry to later. I know one thing, if I need help, he’ll be busy or just not be able to make it.

I’m trying to maintain in this Sky Lounge while I wait for my flight. I was scheduled to leave at 5pm but I got at 3:45 flight back home. As I type this, I’m holding back tears because it literally kills me to see someone I love and care about crash and burn. Of my three sons, he cared about me and when his brothers tell me to let him rot in jail, it gives me pain in my heart. What kind of man abandons his son, no man only a filthy rata… This too will pass

15 thoughts on “Let Him Rot or Not…

  1. That’s Step 9, Juan, re making amends. No parent, I hope, would ever abandon their child, but many do, some even boot them out of their house and disown them (e.g. gay young men and women). The streets of SF and OAK are littered with the unwanted young and old, discarded vets and people who numbed their lives till they were in total poverty. “Tough love” is one of the cliches among many, but it takes wisdom to use such a tool and not too many have that wisdom to use it effectively. So, Matt takes your money and feeds his addiction in a place where no contraband is suppose to be. The system works against itself by the inmates and guards and anyone else who is bartering with human life in the prison system of the grand USA.

    Safe and comfortable trip back to the land of Oaks (are there really any Oak trees left in Oakland?). There are over a hundred streets in Atlanta using the word “peach” but there are no peach trees in Atlanta. Were there ever?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I appreciate your sharing this and your pain. I like this only to show you that I do recognize how this can hurt. Jaun you are a good man. I do not know your beliefs but there are people who believe that whatever you do, will come back to you three times more. So if you are a good person to others, then others will be good to you in life only much more so. However I think you are not doing anything with the idea of rewards. You act as you do, you say the things you say, you hold back when you do because you believe it is the correct thing to do. It feels correct to you. You are a good person and you are a good person so you do these things. As for your son. Wow that is really hard. I would just say this: Some medications can make you feel very hungry and that you need to eat, even if you just have eaten. Every month I get my shots. The next few day I feel as if I am starving. I want to eat 20 to thirty minutes after a meal. By two hours I feel I need another meal so badly my personality can change. I get angry. We keep pretzels and things like that for me to dig into on and off as they are healthier than chips and the carbs in them seem to keep me feeling full without eating a lot. I don’t know the history nor the entire situation with you and your son. I will say I have read the mothers of people who have been accused of horrendous crimes who say they still love their child. One mother said that she understood that the victim and the victim’s family hate her son, but she can’t. She still sees her son as the little boy she gave birth to and raised, while the rest saw only the crime he committed. I was going to write more but I would rather talk to you about this in emails. I am here always if you want to shoot me an email about this or anything. I can’t give many answers but I can read what you write and I don’t mind if you just need to rant a bit. If you want to get it off your chest or give voice to your feelings, just write me an email. Best wishes for both you, your son, and even your EX. Hugs


  3. Must be hard to see him in such a state, try and remember he is sick and addicted and I do not think he means to hurt you, he is probably a slave to his inner demons… It must be reallly tough for you though. I bet he will sense on some level all that you have done for him. 🌸⚘

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s not only his addiction, he’s mentally ill. All you can do is the best you can. I’m glad you got to spend time moving your kids into their house and that you had time to play with Hunter. I’m sorry for what awaits you at home.

    Liked by 1 person

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