I’m Ready To Lose It…

Almost everyday, Matt calls with greetings of, “How ya doing dad?” Well the real reason he calls is he wants or needs money, a twenty here and there. What do you tell your son who’s living on the streets of San Diego? No? This afternoon it came out, Matt’s been smoke crank or crack… Does it even matter which one, really?

After being told I don’t help him as much as I help Chris, Josh or Tashi, I lost it on him. I said, “Did I ever tell you to smoke dope? Did I say to you that it would be a good idea?” His reply said it all, “I only started smoking dope when I became homeless down here!” I replied, “You started smoking dope when you were living with mom.” This is what sealed it for me, “I only smoked marijuana when I was with her.” 

There it was, now he’s onto other dope, not just marijuana. His mother and I foolishly believed that story how he didn’t know he had a pipe in his pocket. I knew a while back that story of how somebody placed it on him was a bunch of, well you know.  I closed the conversation by saying, “Until you get in a program, I’m not giving you another penny. You tell me these stories and I was believing them. I’m done.” This too will pass

6 thoughts on “I’m Ready To Lose It…

  1. When the gift horse has always been there to bail, the seeker will always go back for more. When the addict (or alcoholic, alchohol just being another drug), cries, it’s imperative to wonder if the tears are coming from the genuine feelings or simply the drug crying out. This is doubly difficult when the addict is dual diagnosed! You stating clearly that until Matt gets into a program, the bank is dry for him gives him a clear signal that things are going to go on the way they were before. Did he hear you? That’s another question. The addict has to hit his bottom, and that is when he genuinely says: “I need help. I will do anything to get that help. I surrender.”

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